Quote of the Day - 1/13/2012

Growth comes about when we are confronted by situations that upset our equilibrium and demand change. - Susan Wittig Albert in Work of Her Own

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When was the last time you were confronted with a situation that upset your equilibrium? Was it initiated by a decision you made or did it just happen?

Thinking back - I have upset my equilibrium via key decisions and prompted growth throughout my life: getting married, switching from biology to applied math for graduate studies, going into management, having a child, leaving one multi-decade career path and starting another. Growth was not the reason for the decision but it was certainly a welcome by-product.

Some upsets happen out of our control: a car accident, an illness, gifts, an inheritance, a terrorist event. If they disturb our equilibrium enough…we respond by growing in some way. What we learn…how we grow…helps us achieve control again.

Day-to-day problems are not quite at the ‘upset our equilibrium’ level but they too can prompt growth. For example - several years ago, I noticed that I was always fumbling in the space to the right of my PC keyboard. Since I am right handed, my mouse and writing pad were both on that side. Learning to use my mouse with my left hand was my solution. It was a small change (it took a few weeks to develop the skill with my left hand) but it solved the problem and is now my preferred way of working.

Observing others deal with equilibrium shattering situations may prompt growth activities. Have you observed a kindergarten/first grader recently? Think about what happens as they learn to read. As adults, we ask so much less of ourselves. Why is that? What is the adult equivalent of being in first grade again?

Are your bored? Make a decision that upsets your equilibrium…and let the growth begin.

Shopping Thrift Stores - Rules of Thumb

The offerings of thrift stores range from trash to fabulous bargains; I’ve been in several recently where the range was toward the ‘fabulous bargains’ end of the spectrum so I am offering some rules of thumb for getting the most from thrift store shopping.

• Find a thrift store that is near middle to upper income bracket neighborhoods. If the store has a donation center, the quality of the offerings will reflect what has been donated. Some stores are focused almost exclusively on clothes; some or more toward the antique furniture end of the spectrum; others seem to have only very worn out clothes (this is a store that should be marked off your list unless you are looking for clothes for painting!).
• Know the general price range of new items so you’ll recognize a bargain - or something overpriced.
• Some thrift stores have half-price or sale days. Try to go on those days but realize it will likely be more crowded.
• Clothes
  • Be prepared to go several times if you are building up your wardrobe. Offerings in thrift stores usually turn over pretty rapidly. Sometimes you may find nothing at all.
  • Be able to decide quickly what is truly useful to you. A bargain on a formal gown is wonderful only if it is something you will actually wear. A basic wardrobe strategy makes it easier to make quick decisions (like - black is my basic color, red and turquoise are my highlight colors, everything needs to match into this scheme)
  • Check for care labels on clothes. Many times a new looking item is ‘dry clean only’ and that will add to its cost to you over the long haul.
  • Check buttons, zippers, seams. Hold it up and look for stains or snags. You don’t want to get home and discover the garment is not wearable because of a flaw you didn’t notice.
  • Try on clothes if there is a dressing room. Remember that sizes vary widely and clothes do stretch if they have been hanging in a closet for a long time.
  • Launder all clothes purchased before you wear them.
• Jewelry
  • Clean/soak in alcohol any jewelry you buy at a thrift store.
• Household items
  • Wash dishes, glasses, or pans in hot soapy water before using.
  • Be open to re-purpose items. You may buy a bargain picture in a large frame for the frame alone. An old beat up pan may turn into a pot for seedlings.
  • Transporting furniture or exercise equipment may be a challenge so plan ahead if you are buying. It may take ongoing trips to the thrift store to find an acceptable piece or it may be serendipity.

Feel good about shopping at a thrift store. You are usually 1) contributing to a good cause, 2) reusing (rather than buying something new) is a good thing for the environment, and 3) you get something you need for a bargain price.

Quote of the Day - 1/8/2012

When we were young, we thought we’d build a house

And happiness would happen in. By middle age, we’d feel

Secure, propped by old loves, certainties. All we’ve learned,

And that with luck, is to invent ourselves each day.

Nadya Aisenberg in Leaving Eden: Poems  (1995)

~~~~~

Have you reached the realization that “All we’ve learned is to invent ourselves each day?” As children we knew it and, unburdened by a lot of remembered experience, just did it. It is something we rediscover at different points in our lives; it is a positive response in times of transition or change.

Part of growing up included the invention of expectations of what would make us happy. They focused our early adult lives. Sometimes that focus was about a career or a relationship or the accumulation of things. Having enough money almost always was a component. We figured that happiness would be the result.

For me - the life expectations invented in my teen years included college, career, and marriage. The momentum carried me through my mid-20s with almost no tweaking. I was happy during that period but still believed ‘happiness would happen in’ because that was what my experience seemed to be. Then I decided to change plans for graduate school and focus more on career; it was a significant shift in thinking of life goals from academic/theoretical to business/tactical…one of those inflection points of life. Again life proceeded with that focus for years and happiness still seemed to ‘happen in.’ At some point along the line, I began to realize that my tendency toward optimism and trust made it easy for me to be happy. Happiness did not ‘happen in’ because others could view the same situation and not be happy. It was my choice to respond with happiness in the present rather than regretting something in the past or being so focused on the future to not enjoy the now.

As we truly mature we realize that happiness is not something that just happens accidently. In this case I mean something different than physical maturity. Maturity is the knowledge, and sometimes wisdom, that individuals achieve easily in their 20s or beyond while others never quite achieve. This kind of maturity is not tightly linked to an individual’s age. It can be linked to parenthood because that situation often prompts heighted caring for someone outside of ourselves (a child) and that motivates us to be better people than we were before. The key is to realize that our response to our life’s situation is what is important. Whether or not you are happy is your choice; it cannot be provided by someone else.

Happiness is the response we choose to the daily invention of our lives.

Favorite Things to do on a Lazy Winter's Day at Home

It's a January afternoon. The Christmas decorations are put away, the kitchen is cleaned up from lunch, and the laundry for the week is almost done. This is a lull after the flurry of winter holiday activities....what would you do with 4 hours available? My list is below (not in priority order):

1. Take a nap....for about 30 minutes.
2. Get outdoors. The day was unseasonably warm but even had it been snowing, getting outdoors would have been on the list.
3. Read a good book by a window. Natural light always seems better...and I enjoy the view from the window too.
4. Cook. There has been a tremendous amount of good food recently so I'm enjoying getting back to the more normal foods like a wedge of pomegranate while I let soup simmer.
5. Plan the spring garden. I am not real serious about this yet...for now I'm just looking at catalogs that came in the mail and browsing web sites.

Packing your ‘Look’ for a Road Trip

Now that I have returned from an extended road trip - I have some notes about what worked well for me. It is easy to expand to taking the ‘kitchen sink’ when you have a whole car to hold it. Here are my top 10 notes about how to pack items that sustain your ‘look’ on a road trip:

1. Pack in several small suitcases or tote bags rather than having all clothes in one large suitcase.
2. Know what you will do with clothes after you have worn them. A laundry bag in the trunk (or multiple laundry bags pushed to the very back) can work quite well.
3. Pick your main three colors so mix and match is possible. In my case - I always go with black, red, and turquoise….with black being the color for most of my slacks/pants/jeans.
4. Choose layers sufficient for the coldest place you will be. In December, it was not ‘hot’ anywhere I went so the layering in addition to my regular indoor clothing included fleece/sweatshirt and a coat with gloves in the pocket!
5. Pack shoes in their own bag (best if the bag is unique and recognizable for each; plastic bags from stores work well). These bags can be tucked into a small space in the trunk or even partially under a seat.
6. For items that need to be on a hanger, I prefer to lay them on top of the items in the trunk. Hanging them in the car often reduces visibility…not good while on a road trip.
7. For cosmetics, I generally round up on a road trip. This might be a reaction to the rounding down when traveling by plane (and not checking luggage). At least I use multiple ziplocks so it is easy to get out just the items I need. If you are going to be a guest in someone’s home and sharing a bathroom, it is often a good idea to take a tray or bowl to keep you toiletries contained and easily transported back to the guest room rather than packing them back into the suitcase each day.
8. A small suitcase for toiletries, underwear, socks and one/two days of clothes worked well for me so I could leave the bulk off my clothes in the trunk while I was actually in transit.
9. Plan to do laundry for road trips of more than 10 days.
10. Find a small container for jewelry that has a good lid and is just big enough for what you want to take. My favorite is a heart shaped tin that I got as a valentine’s present several years ago. It is just the right size for earrings and rings. Bracelets can often fend for themselves in the suitcase.