Quote of the Day - 03/26/2012

We had no external limitations, no overriding authority, no imposed pattern of existence. We created our own links with the world, and freedom was the very essence of our existence. - Simone De Beauvoir in The Prime of Life: The Autobiography of Simone De Beauvoir

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Have you had a period of your life like the quote describes? The absolute of ‘no’ - ‘no external limitation, no overriding authority, no imposed pattern of existence’ - is what gives me pause. It is more interesting to think about a continuum:

Where are you right now on the continuum? Where have you been at other times in your life? Is there a correlation with age or financial security or relationships?

Often it is our interpretation of external limitations, overriding authority, and imposed pattern of existence that is more critical than anything that can be measured exactly. If the pattern of existence imposed is what we want to do anyway, is it counter to our concept of ‘freedom?’

Quote of the Day - 03/19/2012

The process of improvisation that goes into composing a life is compounded in the process of remembering a life, like a patchwork quilt in a watercolor painting, rumpled and evocative. - Mary Catherine Bateson in Composing a Life

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Are you satisfied with the way you are ‘composing’ our life? Is there enough ‘improvisation’ to be ‘compounded’? How vibrant is your ‘patchwork quilt’?

Mary Catherine Bateson has a gift for words that draw out positive associations. ‘Composing’ implies some amount of control and the application of our own creativity. It requires some planning for the future but is honed to action; the living of life always is in the present. But then there is the remembering that compounds everything; the older we are the more there is to remember. That doesn’t necessarily that we spend more time savoring the past than in living the present; it may be that we simply evoke everything we have been before into the way we are now and into our remaining days.

Springtime is a good time to make changes - to be like the opening blooms on spring flowers and ‘compose’ something new (or refreshed) aspect of our life.

Quote of the Day - 2/26/2012

Brilliance in youth does not guarantee worth in maturity. - Isabel Allende in Daughter of Fortune

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Brilliance. Isn’t it strange that there would even be an assumption that ‘brilliance in youth’ would correlate to ‘worth in maturity?’ Yet - somehow our culture hones in on how ‘smart’ a child is more than any other characteristic. When positive differentiation occurs in school - it is most frequently based on criteria of brilliance. We know it is imperfect but it can reduce the complexity of the school by grouping the students into more similar groups…and then curriculum/teaching can be more finely honed to their needs. It works very well for some students…but not all.

In a perfect world, learning opportunities would be abundant and tuned to the individual rather than a group…and brilliant or not so brilliant…everyone would have the opportunity to develop a ‘worth in maturity.’

Worth. Oftentimes we associate ‘worth’ with how much we are paid or have accumulated. That is a quick way to quantify worth but is it the whole story? For some it might be…for others it is clear that their value…their worth…to their family or community is much higher than the quantification would indicate. For example - someone that cares for young children may not have a high salary but the worth of that job to the families of the children is tremendous.

In summary -

brilliance transformed into worth

is what we are after. Making the transformation is the key.

Satisfaction and Joy with Life (Quote of the Day - 2/22/2012)

Life is a little work, a little sleep, a little love and it is all over. – Mary Roberts Rhinehart

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This quote is somewhat like ‘Life is short. Eat dessert first!’ - using the word ‘little’ and ‘short’ to point out the potential of our life being ‘all over’ relatively quickly in the scheme of things. The underlying message is to enjoy your life all along the way rather than thinking to wait for some future time.

In recent years, more and more people have attained the ability to appear ‘always working’ with the advent of mobile devices that enable work to be accomplished virtually anywhere and anytime. Farmers - or anyone that cares for animals as part of their work - have always been in this mode so there was really only a short interval in history when most people could easily distinguish between their work/not work time.

For many of us, our definition of work is evolving. Having a component of satisfaction and joy in our work is more important than ever because time boxed ‘balance’ is often not possible. In other words - work/life balance is no longer a viable strategy. Instead - a dynamic mix of activities make up our life. We can categorize a snapshot of our current activies in various ways if that helps us decide their relative value for us. Here's a quick way to do some analysis using the color coded 2x2 matrixes at the bottom of this post: 

1. Check to make sure you agree with my color coding; make adjustments as needed.
2. Make a list of activities that are taking the majority of your time. Usually the top 10 or so are the ones to focus on.
3. For each activity - look at it from all the perspectives in the 2x2 blocks below and note any that are 'non-green' 
4. Are there activities that have a lot of red? If there are - find a way to stop doing them or to change them in some way to make them more satisfying.
5. Are there activities that have a lot of yellow? Those may be activities to keep but make sure your motivation for continuing is still great enough to overcome their negative aspects.
6. For activities that are 'green' - good for you. These are keepers!

 

Quote of the Day - 2/17/2012

The stream of time often doubles on its course, but always it makes for itself a new channel. - Frederick Lewis Allen in Only Yesterday: An Informal History of the 1920's (Wiley Investment Classics)

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When we hear an news item comparing what is happening today with some earlier time - we should always be aware that while the situation may look the same, it is ‘a new channel’ and the next event may, or may not, be similar to what happened in the past.

This is true in our personal lives as well. The passage of time alone guarantees that the situation is different. That wonderful vacation or birthday party from 10 years ago cannot be duplicated. The elements that made them stand out for you could even seem repetitive and not at all special the second time around.

As we navigate our ‘stream of time’ - let’s rejoice in the prospect of discoveries in our own ‘channel.’

Lessons About Work/Life Issues I Learned from My Grandmother

In honor of a grandmother than would have been 105 years old this month….. 

My grandmother ran the family mill/feed store while I was growing up in the 60s. She had assumed the role after the last of her 9 children started school. The feed store office where she worked accommodated young visitors and I enjoyed at least one day with her every time we visited my grandparents. She was probably the only professional woman that I observed both while she worked and at home during that time period. Here are some things I learned from her: 

• Blend (rather than balance) activities as often as you can. She enjoyed having a grandchild with her at work. The scales for trucks and bags of feed were opportunities for practical learning. There always seemed to be something going on. Sometimes it was just being together and quiet: I read and she continued writing her letter to a faraway daughter. She would get an extra case or two of ‘soda pop’ when the truck came to deliver to the vending machine…and take it home for a family gathering. She brought seeds for vegetables home and delighted in my grandfather’s garden experiments.
• Let people know you have high expectations of them. For grandmother - ‘people’ included children as well as adults. It didn’t take being around her very long to understand the boundaries of acceptable behavior and a very strong desire to live up to her expectations.
• Speak with confidence – reflect the authority you have. She very seldom raised her voice. She assumed that people would do what she told them to do; it worked for children and the people that worked for her. In retrospect, she was a very good ‘situational’ leader; there were times she gave very detailed instructions and other times minimal information - she honed her requests for the individual and her judgment of their abilities was very finely tuned.
• Use the best tool for the task. She actually articulated this axiom in the context of food preparation but she applied it everywhere….and she was constantly looking for new and better tools. If she were alive today, she would be using email rather than snail mail and maybe she’d have created a family social network online.
• Ask for assistance. She knew when to ask for help although most of the time she received assistance before she even asked. She never lifted the sacks of feed herself - sometimes she had to ask one of the men to come from the mill to load up for a customer but most of the time they just appeared to do the job. She told a story on herself about an experience in an airport on the way to Alaska. Evidently she didn’t know exactly where her next gate was and, being unfamiliar with the airport, stopped to read a sign more carefully. Within seconds, someone stopped and asked her if she needed assistance. They probably saw this small lady (just over 5 feet) with white hair staring at the sign…and concluded she needed help. She probably smiled at them and accepted their assistance gratefully even though she was seconds away from figuring it out herself.
• Wear comfortable shoes/clothes. Look professional. The mill/feedstore was not air conditioned and it gets pretty hot in the Oklahoma summer. Grandmother wore light weight, pastel shirtwaist dresses she made for herself (so they fit perfectly) with sandals. She always looked comfortable; she also looked like she owned the place --- which was true.
• Eat wisely. She always took her lunch to the mill - mostly ‘rabbit food’ - and stored the part that needed to be kept cool in a cubby hole in the ‘soda pop’ vending machine that she had discovered. At home, when there were large family gatherings and lots of food, she was always the one that was most choosy about what she ate. She liked a wide variety of food but she was very conscious of the way she needed to eat to feel satisfied and stay about the same weight.

Sometimes we think of our world changing so rapidly that nothing stays relevant for very long. When I make a list like this it helps me realize that my fundamental approach to life may not need to change; it’s the things around the edges that are changing. It’s OK for those edges to be volatile…in fact - I enjoy that kind of challenge.

Note: The dogwood picture reminds me of when my grandmother visited me after I moved to the east coast in the mid-80s. We sat on the patio for a picnic lunch while the dogwood petals wafted down around us.  

Quote of the Day - 2/14/2012

The important thing is to do something, even if it’s as simple as making a pile of pile of pebbles. For it is always the doing that leads to the becoming, and before you know it you’re on the next stage of life. - Joan Anderson in A Walk on the Beach (2004)

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Just thinking about something is not enough even if the change you are making is mostly a mental one. While there is a concept of continuous learning - in reality, we learn in spurts. Getting to a next stage of life generally prompts a learning spurt; sometimes we experience a spurt when we discover something new and pursue it with intensity. I find it more descriptive to think about life as a series of transitions. These transitions can vary in length and importance; they can overlap. The idea is to recognize our situation (the ‘as is’) and what we want (the ‘to be’) so that we can take the actions to make it happen.

Finding a way to ‘do something’ is an accelerant to transition. Realizing this should influence how you plan ….making sure that you focus on tangible actions. In reality there are almost always multiple transitions going on concurrently at various stages of maturity; think about your plan as something that will continue as your life moves forward; some transitions will complete but others will start…it’s the nature of life.

Here are my rules of thumb for developing a personal transition (life?) plan:

• Plan a ‘something’ for every day that moves you toward a goal. It is easiest to have it be something that is part of a daily rhythm rather than a totally unique action. My current example: this blog.
• Identify a larger project that will take several months and add the time phased actions it will take to make it happen. My current example: get the interior of the house painted.
• Write it down. It doesn’t have to be fancy. I like to use a task list that includes dates and categories unless a project gets complicated enough that I need to identify relationships between the tasks (then I use something like Microsoft Project). My current example: task list in Microsoft Outlook with categories of blog, house, etc.
• Check off actions as you complete them. My current example: I look at the list every morning and, most days, mark everything complete by the evening.
• Every week/month assess how well you are moving toward your goal and make adjustments to your plan. My current example: I pretty much know how I am doing every day but I find adjustments or additions to the plan are made either weekly or monthly, depending on how quick the series of actions are.

A great periodic self-assessment is to ask yourself what you are doing differently from the way you were 3-6 months ago. The focus should be on how you have translated something you learned into how you live. It’s looking at the results of your plan from a different perspective and may help you answer the really important question - Did you move yourself toward your ‘to be’ objective?