Road Trip to Dallas – April 2024

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Last week I made a 2-day road trip down to Dallas to visit with my dad. It’s about 7 hours of driving in each direction. When I left my house in Missouri on the first day it was dark. Just as the horizon was beginning to brighten behind me, I saw a large bird fly over the interstate – higher than my car but not that far in front of me. I wondered if it was a barn owl although I didn’t get a good enoug look other than to realize the bird had a lot of white.

After my first rest stop the sun was up and more birds were moving about. I saw a large one fly across the highway…a little lower than was safe and then just above my car there was another of the same kind. It was a turkey! I was close enough to see the eye glinting.

I saw a great blue heron flying along or over the road twice…and a murmuration of smaller birds that spilt in two over the highway.

The highlight of the drive down was the rest stop on US 75 just after crossing from Oklahoma to Texas. The berm between the highway and the rest stop parking was full of wildflowers!

Closer to the building there were beds of wildflowers…including the Texas state flower: bluebonnets.

I enjoyed trying my new iPhone 15 Pro Max phone to take some macro pictures of some of the flowers.

Heading home the next day, I left the hotel about 6 AM and got to Hagerman National Wildlife Refuge about 20 minutes after sunrise. Unfortunately, it was very cloudy and sprinkling so there was not a lot of bird activity, and the light was not great for photography.

The surprise of the morning came when I saw something on the road in my left peripheral vision as I moved slowly along Hagerman’s wildlife road…..as I turned to see it better I realized it was a hub cap. I got out of the car to see if it belonged to my car…and it did! It was the first time anything like that has happened to me in 55 years of driving! I put the hub cap in the car opting to not try to put it back on until I got home.

I saw two flocks of cattle egrets as I was driving back toward the highway from Hagerman.

As I drove through Oklahoma, I was driving thorough moving cloud shadows. They were moving in the same direction as I was, and I was moving faster than they were!

The drive was very routine until my route direction shifted from north to east. The wind buffeted the car and the big trucks on the interstate were even more impacted. The last 3 hours were exhausting – requiring both hands on the steering wheel and hyper awareness of the vehicles (particularly trucks) around me.

I made it home in a reasonable time but was very tired.

Sustaining Elder Care – April 2024

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2-day trips to Dallas have become the norm for me. I leave early from home, visit my dad immediately after I get to Dallas in the early afternoon and take care of any other business thereafter…then stay in a hotel overnight and drive home the next day. Now that the days are getting longer, perhaps I might visit him a second time in the morning before I head home although the assisted living group home is not ‘early.’ I probably would not want to arrive for a visit before 10 AM.

Dad still enjoys going out to eat and we are exploring more places nearby.

The warmer weather is great for walks. We have discovered that he does better with a four-wheeled walker than the two-wheeled one. The rough pavement makes it very hard to use the two-wheeled one. His balance is much improved holding onto the four-wheeled walker and he walks at a pace that is more like the way he walked prior to using a walker.

He has decided that 500 pieces puzzles are usually too hard…and he wants bigger pieces. I got 10 puzzles for $20 at the library’s used books (and puzzles) sale; knowing what they have is one of the benefits of volunteering for setup. Most of the puzzles I got have 300 pieces and I am hopefull my dad and others at the group home will enjoy putting them together. I picked ones with bright colors too – although that wasn’t a requirement from my dad.

One of my sisters and her husband took my dad to her home to see the eclipse on the 8th. Unfortunately, he didn’t understand what was happening and kept asking where he was. It was a learning experience for our family – we will continue to enjoy taking him out to lunch occasionally but be very careful not to overwhelm him with more complex events away from his assisted living home.

I had thought I would be able to get down to one visit per month…but so far that hasn’t happened.

Previous Elder Care posts

When does a road trip become a commute?

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The road trips to Carrollton/Dallas TX have been going on for years – increasing in frequency in recent years as my parents got older. Until recently their duration as been for at least a week; from Maryland it was a 2-day road trip in each direction which was reduced to 7 hours once we moved to Missouri. Sometimes I stayed longer – for hospitalizations/recuperation primarily. There were no trips at the beginning of COVID, but they started up again as soon as we were vaccinated. They are almost always on my own and my parents’ house became almost like a second home since I was spending at least 25% of my time there.

Since my mother’s death and the sale of their house, things are changing. I drive down one day and come back on the next – visiting with my dad for a few hours and staying in a hotel overnight. I’ve done it 3 times and am beginning to realize that the road trip feels more like a long commute.

The route is becoming very familiar. I set the navigation system but really don’t need it. The places I stop (usually Loves or Pilot….sometimes Choctaw Travel Centers) are familiar. There was a Stuckeys that I stopped at occasionally, but it was always a bit grungy and I noticed on the last trek that I had closed. My route is not on Interstate for the most part and I am very aware of the speed limits going though towns.

Music helps keep me alert…and variety helps. Apple Music on my phone playing via Bluetooth on the car speakers is the way to go!

There are several assignments I give myself to stay focused on the road and surroundings. Some of my favorites are:

  • Observing birds (particularly hawks in treetops, great blue herons or great egrets flying, soaring vultures, murmurations of smaller birds….hoping to see a bald eagle). It’s depressing to notice hawk or owl roadkill, but it happens.

  • Noticing the trees – particularly in the spring and fall. Recently I have been paying particular attention to red buds which are scattered among the roadside trees….not thrilled about the escaped Bradford Pears (Callery Pears) that are also there.

  • License plates, particularly in Oklahoma, are more varied than in most states because the Oklahoma tribes have their own plates! Most of my observing of plates is during the times I’ve slowed down for a town and there is more traffic.

  • There is plenty of time to plan what I need to do when I get to Dallas…or when I get home. On the way down, I think about topics that might interest my dad and whatever estate actions I need to take. On the way home, I think about blog posts and, this time of year, what I need to do in the yard.

Phone calls generally factor into the time I am in the car – hands free of course. I call my husband to let him know when I will get home, and my daughter usually calls me for a longer chat when she knows I am driving. It helps pass the time.

More focused purpose. I am realizing that the trips have one overwhelming purpose – to see and visit with my dad. It’s a few hours rather than 24/7 for a week like it was before. There is not much time for anything else although brief times out in nature might still happen…although not on every trip.

And that is how my road trips to Texas have become more like a commute.

Sustaining Elder Care – March 2024

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A recap: My sisters and I started our journey ramping up elder care back in November. At first we thought we were being proactive in our conversation about ‘next steps’ with my parents’ doctor….but, less than a week later, my mother was critically ill and in the hospital. I spent the next 7 weeks in Texas. My mother managed to recover enough to come home before Thanksgiving even though she needed a lot of support at home. We hired caregivers to assist her at night through December and moved my parents to an assisted living group home just before the new year. As we worked to get them settled into the assisted living routine, we started a surge of effort to get their house cleared and on the market; the sale was finalized at the end of February. Both parents responded favorably to assisted living and decided they wanted to go out to eat occasionally rather than having special meals via take out as we had done for them at their house. In mid-February, they became sick with COVID…my dad first; he got Paxlovid and was recovering. My mother tested positive a few days later; her doctor adjusted her meds and she got Paxlovid; at first her case seemed even less symptomatic than my dad’s; the staff at the group home thought her breathing was wheezy one afternoon (even though my mother did not think she was having breathing problems) and sent her to the hospital via ambulance; she died 2 hours later.

The last few weeks have been busy ones. We reconfigured my dad’s living space from two rooms down to one and are in the process adjusting the assets my mom and dad accumulated to support his long-term care. As I write this, I realize that we have already settled into a ‘sustaining’ rather than ‘ramping up’ mind set. It isn’t that we won’t evolve what we do based on my dad’s needs…but we have a framework that will stay the same: the assisted living group home…daily visits from family….out to eat several times a month…walking in the neighborhood when the weather is good. Right now, he is still adjusting to not having mom around all the time; she was there for him for over 71 years. We are grateful to the staff of the assisted living for their increased attention. He still has times when he looks lonely…but he is talking more than he did when mom was around to talk for him.

Going forward, my trips to Texas will be quick ones – drive down and visit with dad in the afternoon before I head to my hotel, drive home the next day. Sometimes I will visit with dad in the morning before I drive back. I have done 2 of these trips so far in March. My sisters are there more frequently because they live closer than I do – one is there almost every day, another comes 2-3 times per week, another once or twice a week. Along with taking him out to eat, we put out his clothes for the next day, work on a puzzle with him, accompany him on a walk, help him find something that he lost (his wallet with his id and he glasses tend to go missing).

My sisters and I have had conversations about how much we have accomplished in the past few months – having to adjust very rapidly. We are not exactly relaxed at this point, but the stress level is dramatically lower!

Previous posts: November 2023, November 2023 update, December 2023, January 2024, February 2024, March 2024 (1)

Ramping up Elder Care – March 2024 (1)

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A lot has happened in the last few weeks, so I am going to write 2 ‘ramping up elder care’ posts in March. In my mid-February post, I wrote “Are we through the bend…or is more to come before we settle into the new normal?” We were already getting accustomed to my parents’ house being sold…but we were also anxious with my dad testing positive for COVID. My mother tested positive a few days after he did….and died suddenly  few days later after being in the hospital for about 2 hours. So - the bend in my family’s collective life path is continuing into March.

My mother’s funeral was on the 1st. Dad was pleased with his appearance for the funeral; one of the assisted living staff helped him get into his suit (which he had not worn for a few years --- the last time was to a granddaughter’s wedding)…found another shirt so the neck would button and he could wear a tie! My sisters and I alternated being with him during the visitation and service. He seemed to enjoy my slide-by-slide narration of the pictures of Mother’s life from a young child to a few days before she died at 92. He also liked the limo. He did not like seeing Mother in the casket…thought it didn’t look like her even though he acknowledged that it was. He looked a few times then seemed to prefer watching the slideshow.

 My dad is grieving but very engaged with the reconfiguration of his living area at the assisted living group home. We started setting expectations a few days before the funeral so he would not be surprised when the furniture moves started to happen and it helped him internalize that mother was not coming back. The bed my mother has been using was one provided by the assisted living home and it was removed while we were at the funeral. We were all relieved that he didn’t seem traumatized that it was gone.   He is talking more than usual (he previously has always deferred to mother) ….and is more opinionated about how he would like things arranged. My sisters and I are spending more time with him, and the staff is very helpful. The staff has figured out that a small serving of ice cream is a great treat for him…and smooths out rough emotional times. So far – he seems to be surprising us with how well he is navigating his ‘new normal’ without his partner for over 71 years.

My dad’s reactions have been so positive that my sisters and I have already cleared away most of my mother’s belongings. It was a good time for us to talk to each other and him….noting some of the clothes she had worn for years…and others that were almost new…and trying out ideas for where furniture would be moved.

I don’t know for sure that we are at a new normal yet. We are with him more than usual…just to be sure he is OK. So far…he seems to be.

A few last pictures from my parents back yard the day before we closed on the 28th:

One of the neighbors asked the new owner if he could cut the narcissus and daffodil flowers from the yard to bring to the funeral….and the new owner said yes!

One of the neighbors asked the new owner if he could cut the narcissus and daffodil flowers from the yard to bring to the funeral….and the new owner said yes!

Previous posts: November 2023, November 2023 update, December 2023, January 2024, February 2024

Other Parks in Dallas Area

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I visited two more parks recently in the Dallas area…attempting to find a park closer to my parents’ new location than Josey Ranch.

The first was Vitruvian Park in Addison, Texas. There were more tall buildings in the area than around Josey Ranch – lots of shops, restaurants, and apartments/condos. The sculpture I saw on my way into the parking lot for the park turned out to be my favorite feature of the park!

The paved trail along the water was pleasant but there were no water birds! The water was low…erosion evident. It was impossible to take pictures without trash!

The second was Bert Fields Park. It is a park on the other side of White Rock Creek from my parents’ assisted living group home. There is a cul-de-sac with parking at the beginning of the trail that has mowed grass on one side and the deeply eroded stream bed on the other. The neatly fenced backyards of very large houses are uphill on the grassy side. There are circles of concrete in the stream with manhole covers. Does a sewer line run along the creek bed? The erosion is continuing because there was a tree that appeared to have fallen recently leaving the cliff to the stream bed only about 2 feet from the path. It looked like trees on the other side were being undermined. I wonder how long they will survive.

There were crows in some of the treetops…and some fruits that had not been eaten yet.

There were very healthy-looking mallards (and at least one gadwall) in the creek. The current was strong enough in the middle that they let it take them downstream…and then they hugged the shallows at the edge to swim/walk upstream. They were finding things to eat!

There was a thicket that replaced the grassy area for a short distance….and it sounded like it was full of chickadees!

Neither park was as good as Josey Ranch for birds….but I will probably visit the second one again.

Gleanings of the Week Ending November 4, 2023

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The items below were ‘the cream’ of the articles and websites I found this past week. Click on the light green text to look at the article.

Oldest fossil human footprints in North America confirmed – New research that supports the dating of the footprints found in White Sands National Park to between 21,000 and 23,000 years old.

Downtown Dallas Gets a New Park – Harwood Park. It reminded me of a field trip with my parents – taking the light rail train from Carrollton to downtown Dallas to visit Klyde Warren Park and have lunch in 2014. I’m glad there is another park added to the downtown area.

BLM Releases New Plan for Moab Area - The plan limits motorized recreation to protect natural and cultural resources. I hope the BLM can succeed in reducing the impact of off road vehicles….requiring ORV users/organizations to take precautions to protect the environment for themselves and everyone else to enjoy in this area.

Active children are more resilient – Interesting….I’ve assumed this but the way the researches went about confirming the idea was worth knowing and reassuring.

A Road Trip Along the Northern Shore of Lake Superior – The Trans-Canada Highway from Thunder Bay to Marathon in June. Maybe a place we’ll go one summer?

What your hands say about your health – I wish the article had better pictures!

Trouble in the Amazon - In the southeastern Amazon, the forest has become a source of CO2….and maybe more will cease to be a carbon sink as well. Large-scale deforestation… plus even intact forest is no longer as healthy as it once was, because of forces such as climate change and the impacts of agriculture that spill beyond farm borders. Data has been collected every two weeks for 10 years! The selective logging permitted by the Forest Code in Brazil is often not sustainable. That’s because the trees that are removed are generally slow-growing species with dense wood, whereas the species that grow back have less-dense wood, so they absorb less carbon in the same space.

A Summer Light Show Dims: Why Are Fireflies Disappearing? – Habitat destruction (clear cutting, fragmentation of forests), water pollution (in Asia many firefly larvae are aquatic), pesticides and yard chemicals, light pollution (it blinds males so that they can’t find females). On a positive note: firefly ecotourism is increasing in Mexico and Malaysia….and around Great Smokey Mountains National Park in the US.

Large herbivores keep invasive plants at bay - Native plants have evolved such that they can withstand brutal treatment from species of herbivores they have co-existed with for millennia, while invasive plants usually cannot.

The Amazon May Be Hiding More Than 10,000 Pre-Columbian Structures - Based on a new aerial survey and modeling study, archaeologists suggest at least 90 percent of sites known as earthworks remain undetected. Also found - high concentrations of 53 domesticated tree species near earthwork sites. These include cacao, Brazil nut, breadnut and Pará rubber trees, plus dozens of others. This demonstrates how the region’s inhabitants altered the natural landscape, likely so they would have a steady supply of food and useful materials.

30 years ago – May 1992

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The highlight of May 1992 was the birth of my second niece. My daughter and I were in Dallas within a few weeks of her birth. It was a learning experience for my daughter who was very interested in babies at her daycare but had never seen one as young as her cousin. We all noticed the baby’s REM sleep when she was positioned in her carrier in the middle of the large dining table while my sister’s daycare swirled around the kitchen and den.

There were more mundane events too: doing the family grocery shopping every week together, my husband traveling for work using a back brace to make the longer plane trips tolerable, me with an ear infection after catching my daughter’s cold (she was outgrowing her tendency to get ear infections), my daughter trying to figure out the difference between ‘an accident’ and ‘on purpose,’ and a sister discovering that her new house had bearded iris in one of the flower beds.

As I read back through my notes of the time, I realized that it’s easy to remember the high points of out lives without them but not the details of how much energy keeping up with a 2.5-year-old took. Just reading a list I made of what we did on one Saturday was a potent reminder of how exhausting it was.

Hospital Experience

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Most of my experiences at hospitals is associated with my parents getting older and needing support during hospitalization. A week ago, another one was history. My sister and I organized 24-hour shifts to support a 4 day stay in the hospital (we each had 2 shifts) and now are supporting follow up appointments and at-home PT. It’s a time requiring focus - overcoming a lot of emotion, anxiety, sleeping on somewhat uncomfortable converted couches, and boredom during long waits. My favorite activities to keep the boredom at bay are making Zentangle tiles, reading, and making notes about what is happening/what I was thinking about. I’ll post the tiles I made at the hospital in another post.

Vaccination makes quite a difference in our anxiety about COVID-19; the hospital allowed limited visitors. Mask wearing (except when eating) was required. My KF-94 mask was comfortable for the long hours of wear, but my ears were increasingly tender by the second 24 hours. I was relieved that there was no need for another long duration round of mask wearing. The only time I took my mask off for more than a few minutes in the hospital was once to eat a sandwich in an outdoor picnic area (lots of grackle calls…very windy).

I also took pictures from the hospital room and nearby lobby. There were two rooms last week. The first was in the ICU and on the 7th floor of the hospital. The roof below the window was somewhat decorative and the front of the hospital with the two columns of water was also visible.

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We moved out of the ICU in the middle of the night – up to the 10th floor and to the other end of the hospital. Note the different orientation of the two columns of water.

We had just settled into the new room…drifted off to sleep…when I heard a big noise and realized it was a helicopter. I sat up and saw it landing…noted that it was 2:10 AM…went back to sleep…the patient slept through everything. In the daylight – it was easy to see that the room looked down on the helipad for the hospital!

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The height of the windows provided a good view of the Dallas skyline. I wondered how long it would take for the neat rows of trees planted at the front of the hospital to get big enough to be more forest like.

On my rare forays down to the 1st floor lobby for food – I realized that my favorite art along the long hall was a work that depicts wildflowers of Texas. Many of them have such distinctive shapes that they are identifiable in silhouette.

Overall – the pandemic protocols did make this hospital stay a bit different (masks, limited visitors, less ‘stuff’ coming home) than our previous experience. The fundamental goal happened - the patient got better and came home. That is success.

30 years ago – December 1989

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30 years ago – I did my first airplane travel with my daughter. She was 3 months old and I flew from Maryland to Dallas to introduce her to my family in early December. My husband went off to a conference in San Francisco the same week. We had two suitcases to check --- or maybe I checked three. I know I carried the diaper bag on the plane and the baby was in a denim carrier on the front of me….so that I could use my coat to keep her warm and have both hands relatively free. Note the old style suitcases; one had wheels but they were tiny for the size of the suitcase. At least the security at the airport was not as strict as it is now – no taking off shoes and all outerwear and all liquids in 3 ounce sizes in a quart sized Ziploc.

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I had barely gotten the baby to enjoy formula from a bottle before the big travel day….making it easier to feed her on the plane. I’d taken the bottle with water in it and used powdered formula so that it didn’t spoil. The plane was not full for the trip to Dallas. My sister and her husband met us as at the airport and wondered where the baby was (in the front carrier almost completely hidden)!

3 months is a time of more baby smiles and interactions with others. She had a growth spurt will we were in Dallas and wanted to nurse all the time…and then sleep. My father snapped a picture of us both getting a quick nap between feedings.

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When she was awake, the baby was holding toys and trying to roll over.

Once we were all home again – there was more snow and Christmas cards. It was a very family and friends focused month. I was still on leave from work; a few of my colleagues came by to see the baby. I was still adjusting to motherhood…my husband was feeling a little neglected!

Rookery at University of Texas Southwestern Medical School

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The rookery in the middle of Dallas – on the campus of UT Southwestern Medical School – is busy this time of year. I was there a little over a week ago and the egrets (mostly Great Egrets but some Snowy Egrets as well) were numerous and somewhat acclimated to people watching them. When we first arrived, there was a Great Egret on the ground retrieving a stick to enlarge the nest. And then we looked up in the trees and saw a lot of birds. I noticed the trees from the window of one of the nearby medical buildings where I’d taken my mother for a doctor’s appoint on a rainy day earlier in the week…and the birds were big enough to be noticeable from across the street. I’d worked in the area early in my career (about 45 years ago now!) and there had been lots of talk of cutting down the trees to expand the medical school; the protests back then saved the birds’ nesting area. The rookery has probably been there since the levies were built along the Trinity River and the trees cut down between the levies. The location of the rookery is not far outside the levies and has been active since the 1940s at least.

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There is a lot of bird interaction. I took this series that shows how spiky the feathers on the head can look. Were these Great Egrets having an argument over nest configuration?

Preening is also important for all the gorgeous breeding plumage.

There are Snowy Egrets around too – yellow around the eyes and yellow ‘socks’ on their feet. They are smaller than the Great Egrets but the distinctive features are easy to spot as well. They seemed relatively calmer than the bigger birds on the day I was there.

The Great Egrets provided the best portrait opportunities – with the tree and then zoomed in to almost fill the frame.

Sometimes they sit at the very top of the tree. Are they in sentinel mode when they do? Or maybe they are getting ready to fly out above the traffic and medical buildings and levy…to the river in search of fish for lunch. Soon the eggs will hatch, and the adults will be busy finding enough to feed the chicks.

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There is a small parking area on Campus (off UT Southwestern Drive) and a paved walkway back to a memorial area with a bench – perfect for people that want to enjoy the birds but not walk very far. There is also a loop mulch path that I’ll try next time I am in Dallas in the springtime. There are a lot of birds there from March through May…and some year-round residents. But the egrets – Great and Snow are the most numerous of the birds this time of year.